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Life is too short for boring stories

My heart had swum down to the deepest depths, to the Mariana Trench, and drifted away from the waves of the North, the South, the West, and the East. It had flown up to the highest heights, up to Mount Everest, and had been carried by the winds of the north, the south, the west, and the east. To see the suffering, to be touched and to be connected. But now it was homeless, given the impossibility of subordinating itself to the hierarchical system, no matter who was the ruler. But what was possible without rule? Did not one have to govern, one to say, where to go, to get one and set the tone? Otherwise, would not everything sink into chaos? The left foot goes somewhere else than the right? Erase the left hand, what the right one had just done? Would not it be shabby and cowardly and irresponsible, even with all the strategic necessities that brought the challenges of the world with it?

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Mein Herz war hinabgeschwommen in die Tiefsten den Tiefen, bis zum Marianengraben und hatte sich treiben lassen, von den Wellen des Nordens, des Südens, des Westens und des Ostens. Es war hinaufgeflogen bis zu den Höchsten der Höhen, bis zum Mount Everest und hatte sich tragen lassen, von den Winden des Nordens, des Südens, des Westens und des Ostens. Das Leid zu sehen, sich berühren und verbinden zu lassen. Doch nun war es heimatlos, angesichts der Unmöglichkeit sich unterzuordnen in das hierarchische System, ganz gleich wer darin der Herrscher war. Doch was war möglich, ohne Herrschaft? Musste nicht einer regieren, einer sagen, wo es lang ging, einer anschaffen und den Ton angeben? Würde sonst nicht alles im Chaos versinken? Der linke Fuß woanders hingehen als der rechte? Die linke Hand auslöschen, was die rechte gerade getan hatte? Wäre es denn nicht schäbig und feige und verantwortungslos, auch angesichts all der strategischen Notwendigkeiten, die die Herausforderungen der Welt mit sich brachten?

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And my heart flew, with the winds of the north, the south, the west, and the east, and felt the suffering wherever and in whatever form it was found. It would be lost, splintering into billions of parts, I thought, in the face of the suffering that was in billions. 144,000,000,000 sufferers. How is a heart to endure? How should it stay healthy and not break down into the smallest micro parts? But it came back, full of patches. Every pain, had burned itself. A scar for the suffering. A patch to connect. Heart patches mend heart stains. It had been wounded, every time. It had been doctored, every time, because it was love that made it visible and touchable and healed. What should a love that makes only touchable, but does not heal? What should a love that only cries and does not comfort? What should a love that only moans and does not demand? But it was not finished yet, so I took out again and threw it into the waters of the sea.
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Und mein Herz flog, mit den Winden des Nordens, des Südens, des Westens und des Ostens und spürte das Leid auf, wo und in welcher Form auch immer es sich fand. Es würde sich verlieren, zersplittern in Milliarden Teile, dachte ich, angesichts des Leids, dass sich in Milliarden fand. 144.000.000.000 Leidende. Wie soll ein Herz das ertragen? Wie soll es heil bleiben und sich nicht in kleinste Mikroteile zerlegen? Doch es kam zurück, voller Flicken. Jedes Leid, hatte sich eingebrannt. Eine Narbe für das Leid. Ein Flicken zum Verbinden. Herzflicken flicken Herzflecken. Es war verwundet worden, jedes Mal. Es war verarztet worden, jedes Mal, denn die Liebe war es, die es sehen ließ und berührbar machte und heilte. Was sollte eine Liebe, die nur berührbar macht, aber nicht heilt? Was sollte eine Liebe, die nur weint und nicht tröstet? Was sollte eine Liebe, die nur jammert und nicht fordert? Aber es war noch nicht vollendet, so dass ich abermals ausholte und es in die Fluten des Meeres warf.

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„Breathe, breathe, damn breathe,“ I thought doggedly. Something stuck in my trachea and did not want to go away, something made of elastic material. It was pulsing. I gasped. Only a few moments remained, then my senses would disappear and I would suffocate. It did not move a centimeter, the thing in my throat. With the power of sheer despair, I wrapped my fingers together so that my hands made a compact impact weapon and slapped my sternum so that the elastic, pulsating something was thrown out of my throat. How good it is to breathe air. Greedy, I sucked it into me. Calm entered. Then I looked at the something I had spat on the ground before it could kill me. It was not hard to see and it took my breath away, that was not really something new. It was my heart.
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„Atme, atme, verdammt atme“, dachte ich verbissen. Irgendetwas steckte in meiner Luftröhre fest und wollte partout nicht weggehen, etwas aus einem elastischen Material. Es pulsierte. Ich röchelte. Es blieben mir nur noch wenige Augenblicke, dann würden mir die Sinne schwinden und ich würde ersticken. Es bewegte sich keinen Zentimeter, das Ding in meinem Hals. Mit der Kraft der puren Verzweiflung schlang ich meine Finger ineinander, so dass meine Hände eine kompakte Schlagwaffe ergaben und hieb mir gegen das Brustbein, so dass das elastische, pulsierende Etwas aus meinem Hals herausgeschleudert wurde. Wie gut es ist Luft zu atmen. Gierig sog ich sie in mich ein. Beruhigung trat ein. Dann sah ich mir das Etwas an, das ich auf den Boden gespien hatte, bevor es mir den Todesstoß versetzen konnte. Es war nicht schwer zu erkennen, und dass es mir den Atem raubte, das war auch nicht wirklich was Neues. Es war mein Herz.

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She was tired of it. Today she would finally break up. Tears, sorrow, that would not touch her. But why should she succeed today? She had already made at least three tries, and each time he had managed to retune her. Because of sheer pity, she had given in again and again, because she liked him after all, and after all they had had a good time. At such moments, out of nowhere, only the beautiful pictures appeared in their mind’s eye. Damn should be her memory. Everything that made her so angry, that showed her that this relationship had no future, was always wiped away. And last she took him in his arms and agreed to taste it again. Then he laughed like a little boy, turned on and happy. And she wanted to make the people happy that she liked. But all too soon everything started again from the beginning. He always talked about himself and showed no interest in what she was doing, as long as it had nothing to do with him, was ignorant and stupid. That had become more and more obvious. Even her in love brain could no longer hide that. So, she was determined, even when he arrived at the appointed time.
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