„You have to prepare yourself“, I hear myself say. One last hug before we have to say goodbye. One last time, interwoven and let yourself fall back into the carefree. I don’t want to think that there can be a farewell. I couldn’t think that there could be an arrival.
Your story matched mine in many ways, but it was yours. You betrayed your family, your children. You let them down when they needed you most. They weren’t anymore because you had let them down, and when you awoke to the awareness that you had lost them, only then did you wake up. You didn’t help because you needed help yourself. You were close, yet so far apart. You did not understand your cries for help, because in the side by side you were separated.
And I feel you inside of me, under this olive tree while the sun pampers our skin, feel you like I’ve never felt you before, powerful, connecting and enriching, and in my gift lies the power to expand the moment into eternity, in the breadth that I give you.
And when you saw that there was nothing around you but rubble and broken pieces and helplessness, you ran away to find a place where you could stay, maybe start all over, but there was no place where you found peace. It was always different, but the thoughts went with you, and the guilt, and the failure. You sustained the wounds and went on, on and on. With the hold you also lost your bearings. Perhaps there was initially still the hope of a goal, but at some point, you just let yourself drift away, were driven by this pain, which you could not escape after all. And in front of my door, you had no more strength, and I took you into life and into my embrace. And maybe I could heal the pain of your soul with it.
I know you have to go You stand up and I stay in this moment of union, and so it is not difficult for me to smile at you, it is not difficult for me not to admit that this is now a farewell. I don’t know anything about it yet, because I am enveloped by you and your presence, and as long as it remains, there can be no goodbye. Maybe I’ll freeze in the night and look for you. Maybe I’ll speak to you and get no answer. Maybe I will be angry and sad, but it is always that you dress me with your presence, even when you are not there.
And you will come to my door. The days take their course, and you will return to the present, physically taking the place you always have.