For a long time she weighed the stone in her hand, looked at it from all sides, made it appear and acted against it. I allowed it, did not interrupt and did not demand. A weighty, overpowering word that stood there on this stone, „mother“. Everyone has a mother, and everyone is somehow connected to her, but some wear her and others carry her. There are few words that are so biased. The breadth is all-encompassing, from Mother Earth, who cares and feeds us all, to the great goddess who safes and protects us, to her own mother. Mothers must be strong and tall if they want to earn this title, but not too big, not too strong, to crush their children.
Her gaze wandered into the distance, into the void, wandering into an
indeterminacy, away from this place, away from that time. „Why are you
always so sad, Mama? Why are you so bitter? „, her voice suddenly popped
up, from a deep somewhere, „You take care of everything, provide me with
the necessities, food and clothes, but you have never laughed, as long as I can
remember you have never laughed. Yes, it’s true, I cannot complain. Please, do
not think that I want to complain, please, please do not. Yes, I know, I’m
fine, and I’ve got everything I need, but you’ve never turned away from me,
you’ve avoided it all the more. It seems to me that it is so. Certainly, even
the fault lies with me. I’m probably not as advised as you have imagined. And
that is why you are disappointed, disappointed in me, disappointed with life
and what it has imposed on you. But am I really the one responsible for your
suffering? I have tried everything to comply without completely denying myself.
I am not what you would like me to be, but if it is not the other way around,
should not it be that you should take me as I am, open minded and open, if you
love me as you say. For too long I have been begging for your affection, which
should apply to me, and not the one I should be, for you and the world, so as
to compensate for the whole other botch in your life. But no matter how much I
twisted, I never did it. To meet your strict standards. But even if I had made
it, it would not have changed your suffering, your grief and your unhappiness.
Only I let it recharge me. You have put all your stones in my basket, and
today, today I will give them back to you. I cannot take responsibility for your
life. I am not responsible for your happiness. You are alone, you, only you,
and nobody else. Why did you do this to me? How could you?“, it broke out
of her, and I saw how the tears ran down her face, while they searched out all
the stones that bore the inscription“ mother „out of the basket and
little by little, one after the other sunk in the lake.
See and be seen,
to share and communicate
to be heard and heard
grab and be taken
beware and be guarded,
know and be recognized
take and be perceived
that’s the truth of the relationship!
So she had taken the first step towards relief. She reached for the next stone with the inscription „Society.“