Awakening, a return from the blissful embrace, numbing and mind-robbing,
into the reality of the factual. One morning, pouring its brightness into the
room where I’m trying to find my way back slowly. To find your way into the
givenness of the moment, to find your way back to the memory of what happened.
The blanket covers my chin and warms me up. But there is more, a warmth that
could give no blanket, no fire, not even the sun. I find myself enveloped in
your arms, your body clinging to mine, it is not just an awakening, but an
awakening in you, that is like finding a primordial comfort in the confidence
in life, is like a return to an innocence, nothing knows how to give oneself to
Awakening in you to find me in your arms, in
your affection and connection. It’s good to be here and to be. It’s like the
luck that I thought was not possible and that I do not have time for anyway. It
is the certainty in which life speaks in the gentleness of vulnerability, in which
you give me back the lost wholeness by being nothing but the warmth that
surrounds and protects me. I close my eyes again, take your hand in mine. You
move, so I know that you too have left the sleep behind. You give me a gentle
kiss on the neck, return the pressure of my hand. Do you also close your eyes
again? I suspect it.
Falling asleep in you is the certainty, the certainty of drifting off into a sleep that does not frighten me. You took me by the hand and took me to bed, in the evening, in the night, spoiled me with your tenderness and healed the wounds of the day, the world, the necessities, the life, outside of your embrace and your attention. Then you hugged me, pulled me very close to you, so that I could feel you, so that it was, a little, as if we could for this moment overcome the separation, which can never be completely lifted. To find a way into you, as in the time when we experienced life in its inexhaustibility as a whole.
Awakening in you, no matter how many times it has happened or is yet to happen, is like a new life, each time, unparalleled and unique. Smiling, I turn to you because I cannot stand to just lie there and not kiss you. Thank you for being with me, as you fall asleep and awakened, and because I am overwhelmed by the joy of life, I overwhelm you with my tenderness, with my kisses and with my joy. This all-encompassing fellow-being, seeking and finding expression, and yet considers any expression it can find too small. Always too little for all, but you understand me and return my joy and my kisses and my tenderness. Dreamy and playful, we let ourselves be carried by the waves of togetherness and savor this gift that we are to the last moment, the moment you dismiss me from your arms and it is time to say goodbye.
The bed is made. Nothing reminds you of the events, the falling asleep and awakening in you. The commitments of the day call us and we say goodbye to each other. A kiss. A smile. Then we are already swallowed, the noise and the need. But as much as the external signs of the night and the morning are concealed, I take with me the recovery in this all-encompassing security. It envelops me like a shield against the ills. It is as if you had made me invulnerable to your touch, untouchable. Nothing and nobody can harm me. Even if the sleep and awakening is over in you, so it remains in me, as the you, your affection and your acceptance. And so, I go full of curiosity, openness and joy in this day. No matter what he will bring, you are with me. And life is beautiful.