Sometimes, when I’m scared to lose myself completely, I curl up like a little kitten, on my side, knees bent, arms entwined so I can feel I’m still there. And when you are there then you lie down with me, surround me with you and hold me tight. Very close to me, your hands in mine, gives me security and familiarity in touch. By feeling that you are there, in all your tangible physicality, I also find the confidence that I am there. It is completely silent because it is not necessary to say something. Love is to be able to keep silent, and yet to know it as eloquent. Communicate without the need of words. There is no, for flowing in this friendly knowing and appreciating. You are my friend. Only friends, as they say. The „only“ in this context, with you, hurts. Is a friendship less because one does not get involved? It is not anymore. It is what it is. And I love you because you are there and carry me, and bear me. Because you do not personally take my outbursts and because you also endure my pain, which I charge you when I can no longer endure myself. I love you. As you … me. We do not even have to say that because it is there in all clarity. If I act like a little kitten and you surround me with you.
I love you, the way I love you, only you. It is the love for you that is consistent with us. Silently I lie in your arms and know that it is so. Love that is so diverse and multifaceted. I love you, unlike any other person I love. And yet I have only one word for all of this. I love my kids, very different from you. Naturally. It would be a fatality, it would not be so. Because even this relationship is a very special one. No one else is so in the flow. Of course, every relationship is in flux, changing, also with the realities of life and the circumstances, but the relationship with my children starts at the very genesis, at the source, at the source. Nowhere else do I have the opportunity to start over, completely unchecked, a white piece of paper that we are allowed to describe together.
When they came into the world, the first time I was allowed to hold them in my arms, it struck me like a thunderbolt, the love, with all its incomprehensibility, ultimately. I held on tight, yet so gentle, because they looked so fragile. So, I made a promise. No, I was the promise to always be there for them, just as they needed it, because now they needed me physically and psychologically, every day, every hour, every minute, but they strived, from the first moment, into their own life. I wanted to accompany them there until they were ready to let go of my hand and go themselves. It was my job to be the place of arrival, to stay and let go. And with each day they become more independent, the relationship changes. They are picking up more and more and I am gradually giving up. Also needed. And that’s good. From the first day I prepared for it. It was great and impressive to see how they became more and more themselves, developed their personality and gradually orientated themselves in a larger environment. Friends became important, and more and more often they were not at home, so my life changed again. As it should be. And one day they will have their own home. Then they come to visit, carry the worries and fears of their lives. I participate, but in a different way. My love has not changed. It just finds another, fitting expression. Love has so many facets, to my children, to you.