I sat on my footbridge. As always, I sat on my jetty when you came. I was sunk in a confused thought-box, so much so that I did not hear you coming, at first. Only when you were quietly behind me and put your hands on my shoulders, I was startled. My Love, the one who made me leave and let go into my own being, you were there. I leaned my head against your shoulder, letting me rest in your arm.
„You were not there for a long time. You left me alone, „I reproached you.
„Yes, I was not there for a long time, but I did not leave you alone. I have accompanied you through all the nights, in my thoughts, „you replied quietly as always, and your warmth did me good.
„But why did not you come here to the bridge, not a single time, during all the time?“ I remained stubborn, because I did not want you to steal your responsibility from me.
„How great my longing was! How often I had to overcome myself not to come! But no, I did not even want you to know about it, „you replied, still calmly, and I felt the seriousness out of your words, but what I had to do with seriousness.
„Everything just lazy excuses! Admit it, you just did not have time or no desire. No, you’ve probably forgotten me completely, and now, it’s time for you. „I replied sulkily.
„Do not be so shameless! I hold you encompassed, with my thoughts, as now with my arms. I protect you and be there when you need me. I want you to be the place where you can know at home where you are, but you are to become more and more yourself, grow and mature, and I will not stop you from standing in your way. „, You simply explained.
„Will you always be there?“ I asked.
„You will not want me to be always there,“ you answered.
„Yes, I will, because then I could fall asleep with the certainty that you would be there tomorrow, and tomorrow after tomorrow, etc., but so, you take me all peace and confidence. So I have to expect every day that you are no longer there. I do not want to think about it, I want certainty and security, „I replied.
„You know, nothing will last forever …“, you huff.
„… Yes, I know, except the cold November rain. You said it often enough. But you have also said that there must be more than everything, and that the true possibilities for those with open heart and open thoughts, only begin where others end the impossibility. „I interrupted you.
„The ever-for-all that you want to be promised by me is the circumcision of your freedom and the castration of our being-turned, for you should know that you can go, if you wish, every day. In freedom, and without a misunderstood consideration, you shall be able to decide for yourself whether you wish to remain here, in the dullness I want to be, or not. „You said, and I felt as if I were glittering in your eyes.
„Would you be sad if I went?“ I asked softly.
„Yes, of course, I would be sad, no more, it would cut me apart, and it would join me again, the certainty that you are where you want to be. To open the wound, to put in everything I got from you, to cleanse it of pain, and to sew it into it. A scar stays the way you stay, even if you go, „you said.
And I let myself be saved in your arms, just as you were when I was, in this moment, here in you. Nothing further, and yet everything.