It took me a long time, but I decided. It took me a long time, really much too long, and now I want to change it, because I’m tired of having to be fed up in a drawer, for something I can do nothing for, something that is a whim of nature. So I cut my hair off and wear only more pants, long, wide pants, men’s pants. I cut my nails, and I gave up my boots, and if it was still too little, I would lace my breasts like others. And then tell me if you can still make a decision, man or woman.
Yes, I have been born as a woman and you as a man, but is this a reason to be treated differently, is this a reason to face other expectations? I do not want it to be put into a pre-formulated compartment that I am stigmatized. I want that I am looked at and no one thinks, aha, a woman, but, aha, a man. Is not that enough? You do not look at another one, and think that a human, like me, is so distinguished with everything that characterizes a human, even in the broken, no, you must think the same.
A human, but not simply a man, but, as in my case, a woman, and if you have a woman before you, you treat the other as a man. Then you think about the character next to her and what she is wearing and how she looks. Old or young, fat or thin, beautiful or not beautiful, as if it would qualify me in any way, and it qualifies when the handbag does not fit into the shoes, or the gown no longer looks new or the face does not conform to the prescribed measures equivalent.
And then you know exactly how a woman has to behave. It does not belong, it is said, it does not belong to a woman becoming angry or even loud, that a woman pretends or her superiority demonstrates that a woman does not automatically postpone or subordinate a woman to herself as strong or self-confident, without waiting for confirmation, but only because it has the confidence.
It does not belong, it says, that it is not necessary for a man to lead himself, or even to be weak, to confirm himself, or to retreat, that he respects more than absolutely necessary his external appearance, or restores himself. I do not want it any longer, either for myself or for you, either for woman or for man.
I want us to be seen as human beings, simply as human beings, as a person, as me and you, that we are not being deprived of any external, accidental features, but that you look, listen and ever take a person seriously do not judge it according to the first, quick, fleeting glance, but if it has to be a judgment, only when you have seen and listened.
I want you to learn that women are not like this, and a woman who does not act like a woman is expected to be a woman, and I want you to learn that men are not like that and a man, which does not occur as it is expected of a man, therefore is no longer a man. I’m tired of thinking is so single-tracked, and I want to smile at you, expressing my joy, without hindsight, and I want you to be able to leave mourning as a man without having to turn into anger.
I do not want to bend any longer, and if you do not go with it, if you need the stance that you can afford to pass on, then I’m sorry, but I cannot go with you anymore.
I will call you friend, regardless of sex, or not, but I will be independent of chance, independent of externals, and learn to know and accept you as yourself. Nothing further, indifferent, according to external characteristics, but all the more what makes you person. And that makes status symbols and possessions and outward appear obsolete. But it would be complicated, much too expensive, so you cannot go with me, but nevertheless, at least I will not be able to make it easy for you, without female attributes, try to classify me.
You will no longer succeed, and your world will get out of line. I know you will not let this come so far, because there are still so many, who continue to play and to be classified. You feel comfortable and safe there. This is your world, simple, unambiguous and thoughtless.