I approve of a last bath before I leave my civilization. Hot water. And Kieran Halpin sings „Farewell to pride“. A good way to say farewell. For pride will not be far away, if nature proves to me at any moment, who is stronger, points me to my place with all clearness. Saying farewell to pride and arrogance, the easier it creeps in, the more secure I feel. Surrounded by stable walls. In the warm. In the dry. With the fridge in the kitchen and the shop around the next corner. Where it goes, I have to look for a place, have to content myself with what I have taken with me and carry all that myself. It is right to think about what is really necessary and what is not, what I really need and what is not. But what is really necessary?
Here, in civilization, in my normal life, there are so many things that repeat themselves with all self-assurance. Day after day. I get up and tap into the kitchen. Pressing the button and the coffee machine is switched on because there is electricity and water. And while the dark brew is pouring into the cup, I go to the toilet. Mostly. Morning walk with the dogs. A little movement. A little nature. I’ll be back after an hour. News, review, write, work. When the hunger reports, I go to the refrigerator and see what is there. If I cannot find anything, I’ll go shopping once. So the day goes by. When I feel filthy, I shower or bathe according to mood. All of this is as self-evident as there is no other possibility.
But from tomorrow, I leave all the self-comprehension behind me. There will be no electricity and no running water, no toilet and no bath, no refrigerator and no supermarket next door. I will not accept your calls, do not answer your e-mails. Also do not post anything in the social media. I will not be available online or offline. I’ll just be gone, and a bit of what is happening today, when a message that a day ago saw the light of the world is already considered as outdated, as if I were extinguished. As if it did not exist anymore. And it feels a bit like that. Not being there, not being present, has something of dead.
But besides all that I left behind, which keeps me in its dependence, something else will break through, something I have not felt for a long time because it was not possible through all the amenities. I will find out how it is to assimilate and adjust the weather and the nature, because I experience it in the truest sense of the word. The weather in all its inexorability, the wind and the cold, the wetness and the frost. But I will also catch every little sunbeam and watch the glittering in the snow, my body will feel how it bundles and brings in its powers. Probably I will be surprised at myself, how much of it was breaking and only waiting to be used. Wasting resources. Sacrificed comfort. I will feel my heartbeat, my breath and my agility. Delivered, but also an almost limitless freedom. Water, food and a shelter. Actually everything you need.