23. Love to be
Ruben finished his crib with a few hands. It had been standing for a few days in the display, but he did not want to fit so well. Now he was satisfied. Everyone was standing in their seats. Maria and Joseph next to the crib. Ox and donkey at the feeding crib and the angels were on the roof. In anticipation. In hope. It was quiet, there outside the field. The Jesus child would not be in the crib until Christmas Eve. Day of arrival. Day of fulfillment of a long-awaited hope and expectation. Ruben sat down to take a last look at his work. He could not find fault with it anymore. And then his eyes wandered to Lilith. Was she satisfied with his work? Or did he want her to be satisfied with him?
“It’s grown beautiful,” Lilith said as she looked at him.
“Do you think?” asked Ruben.
“Yes, I think so. It’s the most beautiful crib I’ve ever seen in my life,” she explained, and it sounded like it was.
“Now you are exaggerating,” Ruben could not withhold to say.
“No, not at all!” Lilith said with all his determination, “For you have made it with heart and soul. And everything you do with heart and soul is incomparable. From the work of your hands you also tell a piece of yourself. “
“And what part of me is this crib?” asked Ruben.
“That you have found a way to express and give yourself to someone who goes beyond words, and yet understands only those who really want to see and understand,” said Lilith thoughtfully. “Perhaps you are not the one who speaks great about his feelings, too If you learn it slowly, but you put it into your doing. Perhaps it is also the fear of being held, for words have more uniqueness than deeds. “
“Retained. Stuck, “said Ruben,” Committed to a moment when you felt, but feelings can change as life changes as you change yourself. And you are still held in what you once said, as if it were a vow to be forever, but forever is always a lie. “
“We tend to keep rather than leave because we want to have and not to be,” said Lilith, “It’s a pity, because it makes us immobile, holding and having it, makes us lifeless. On the other hand, letting go and letting be makes free and mobile. “
“How do you mean that?” Ruben asked as his gaze focused on her as he looked at her with a new intensity, even if he did not really know if she was new, or if she only became aware of him at that moment . If it were, he became even more aware of it, right now, as he had asked the question. Although he had pronounced them out loud, she was not only addressed to her, but also to him, for he found the answer. And Lilith did not answer. She gave him time to find the answer herself.
“It’s like my crib,” continued Ruben, “I did it. Now it’s done. It is time to leave it easy, because then I can turn to another task, devote myself entirely to it, without looking back, but also to bring myself into it completely. “
“A little lags the comparison, if you put it on man, but in principle it is so,” Lilith told him rightly, “If I want to hold a man, if I hold him with my hand, I must close my hand. The hand is busy with holding and can not hold anything else. And the one I hold, he will keep his turn. He can not develop and is no longer being. For being means change. If it is held steady it stagnates. This is the way of having. “
“But in the way of being, I open my hand,” Ruben thoughtfully said, “In the way of being I release you and do not hold you. Let yourself live and develop and I am delighted that you live and develop, I am glad to be able to accompany it. Just as you are glad that I am alive and I am developing, is glad to be able to accompany it. “
“If I love in the way of having, I always have two problems that limit me,” Lilith continued, “On the one hand, I can not open my hand any more, because with that I would release you and you would look for something free can be. I lived in constant fear of losing you, because what I have, I can lose. And by doing everything to prevent it, it’s exactly what makes it happen. I provoke what I want to prevent. “
“If I love in the way of being, then these problems are solved, no, they do not even begin,” Ruben added for his part, “For if I do not hold you, my hand is open …”
“… and I can put mine in yours …” Lilith said, doing so when Ruben opened his hand to her.
“… and I can cover them and open them again …” Ruben said, closing his fingers around her and opening them again, as if trying to see if it really worked.
“… and I can enclose you without holding you …”, Lilith explained.
“… and in this attitude I can be and develop myself …”, explained Ruben.
“… and in you, with you, I can be and develop myself …” Lilith said.
“… and I can always be a new gift to you, gift which you do not ask, but as a gift …” said Ruben.
“… and I can be acceptance for the gift you are, each time anew …”, Lilith explained.
“… and I can find myself in you as if it were a homecoming, finding home, security …”, explained Ruben.
“… and I can be the place of your arrival when you come to me …” said Lilith,
“I love you.”
“I love you,” said Ruben, to kiss her, kiss her, and present herself in love, as the gift that she was, ready to be gift and acceptance, openness, and home to be in the manner of being.
When Ruben decided to stay that evening, it was his gift, the assumption, in all liberty, in all openness, in all his affection.
And it was the open hand that was found this evening in the display of empty business, for nothing is greater than the gift in the openness of love in the manner of being.