6. I have time for you
“Hello, two of you”, Rebecca said, as she stormed into the empty shop that was not quite as empty as a few days ago. In the tow she had Samuel again, but this time he came along voluntarily. At least he did not want to flee.
“Hello, you two!”, Lilith replied smiling, because it was not to be overlooked that Rebekka was so full of joy and energy.
“I’m sorry, but I can only come back in the late afternoon because I’ve found a training place” Rebekka said, “And him here,” she pointed to Samuel, “he still has to push the school bench. From time to time he even does it, I think. “
“That’s great,” said Ruben, “but what means, you think?”
“Well, you can not be so sure about him, and I can not control him any more,” Rebekka explained as she threw a mocking glance at Samuel. Obviously she wanted to challenge him to a reaction, to some one, but he remained calm.
“What about you, Samuel? Are you feeling better yet? Did you speak to your parents? Has anything changed? “, Lilith introduced all the questions that rushed through her head.
“That are many questions at once,” Samuel replied smiling, probably to create a little space for his answers, “So, with me is not much, and yes, I am better, and yes, I have talked to my parents, and no, nothing has changed. “
“I am very sorry for you,” replied Ruben, “But what is the reason? Have they ever listened to you? “
“Interestingly, yes, at least for a short time,” Samuel thoughtfully thought as if he was still not sure if he had ever dreamed of it or whether it had really happened.
“And why has nothing changed? Haven’t they understood you? “Ruben asked.
“Yes, but they have understood me. Even more. They showed themselves clearly and vowed improvement, “Samuel said.
“Yes, and more …”, Lilith demanded.
“Nothing changed. For a moment, I actually believed it, even though I should have known better, “Samuel said with a hint of resignation in his voice,” But then I sat down quietly and watched the two. I made a discovery. It may be that they themselves believed that they were really aware that something should change, but they can not. They are tense in a wheel that keeps turning on and on, because they are always moving further and further. And they stand there as if they had blinkers so they can not look either to the left or to the right, but only to the front. Then they see the wheel in which they are. And because they see nothing but this wheel, they think, this is the whole world. That is why they can not change anything. Actually a pity for them. “
“Yes, it’s true, they miss so much. They will only notice it when they do not have the strength to continue, and then it will be too late for much,” said Lilith thoughtfully.
“But it does not matter,” Samuel replied smiling.
“And why does it not matter anymore?” Lilith continued.
“After I sat there for a while, watching them, those thoughts went through my head. I closed the chapter for myself and the door behind me. The credit card was in my pocket. So I was ready for an extended shopping trip,” Samuel began to say, “Just so the time passed. I also wanted to distract myself, not to think about how much misery you actually do yourself, simply by doing what you think you have to do. I was also almost in the shopping center, when I stopped at a display. It was a pastry shop. Actually something that does not interest me. But something must have caught my attention. I just did not know what it was. A certain pastry attracted my attention, and I suddenly remembered warmth and laughter and security. A picture came of me sitting as a little boy in my grandmother’s kitchen, eating exactly that pastry. For how long I had not been with her anymore. Years had passed, but suddenly I felt the immense urge to go.”
“And, did you do it?” Lilith asked, for it seemed as if he wanted to break off his story at this point. She could not and should not end here. There had to be more.
“I went inside and bought this pastry. I took the parcel in my hand. When I stood at the door, I suddenly felt doubt. What should I say, why I was suddenly there? What had I been explaining why I had not come so long? There was none. Nothing really made any sense. I dropped my hand, which was about to ring,” Samuel continued.
“An explanation. Does love need an explanation?” Ruben asked thoughtfully.
“Did you ring up?” Rebekka interfered, who obviously wanted to know just how the story would end.
“No, I did not ring the bell,” Samuel explained, “but it was not necessary at all, because at that moment the door opened and my grandmother stood in front of me. Little had she become, I thought, but it occurred to me that when I was last with her, I was still a little child. The perspective had shifted. Frowning, she looked at me. Now the questions would come, to which I had no answer. ‘Are you Samuel?’ She asked, and then I realized that she had only needed a while to recognize me. And then she just said, ‘It’s so nice to see you there.’ She had just been on her way to shopping, but she put her shopping basket down and asked me into the kitchen. And we ate pastries and drank hot chocolate, just like back then. And we laughed and talked and were silent. I told her everything. Everything that burned my soul, and she just listened, just too. And I felt well and accepted and saved. Just like back then. But I did appreciate it differently. But there was something else. I realized that she was doing well. She’s been all alone since my grandfather died. Normally I would have gone through these hours somewhere, but now I gave her a present and I felt that it was the best on this day that I could do with my time. “
“You have given something that only you can give, a piece of your life, your time,” said Ruben.
And this evening, a watch was placed in the display, a clock without a pointer, for the moment to live and the time to forget, is a gift that can not be bought anywhere. You can only do it. Make a decision that I want to be there for you and put my time in it.