0. Search for a hostel
Maria and Joseph found no place in the hostel, it is said in the Christmas story. Lilith would have had enough room for them. More than enough. A great house she called her own, which was now inhabited only by her. Before, it had been different when the children were still there and her husband. In fact, he was still her husband, and still generous. Perhaps only because he did not care about the money as long as he could live with his new flame alone.
For many years they had a good marriage. But what does it mean? She had been content to be there with her task for him and the children. He had pursued his career and successfully advanced it. So successful that they could materially fulfill every wish. They scooped from the full. In return, she kept free his back and never bothered him with private things. She always had time and an open ear for him. That was the role distribution. As classic as she may be, as often as she was laughed at by others, she probably felt well in it, and that was probably the main thing. She enjoyed to see the children growing up, accompany them on their way of life until they were so far that they left the house to go their way without them. This had long been happening, and it was the course of things. She had four children, two boys and two girls. Interestingly, their daughters had been the most questioned about their way of life, and they both decided for a career and against a family, at least until now.
After the children, and with them a great part of their duties, left Lilith began to work again, at least half-day, as the large house with the extensive garden required a great effort. A half-day performance was ideal. And it was also the time when her husband told her in a matter-of-fact tone, as she was accustomed to by him, that he would leave her and move to his girlfriend, a girl half as old as he, and not much older than his oldest daughter. Lilith let him go. What could be done to an old man who would mourn his own past youth and still want to cheat on it? So many common years, and then he had just gone. She let him go because she had no choice. Even if her heart ached. That was one of them. She knew how to deal with it. For those who do not want to renounce love, must not forgo the pain. She had endless days and nights full of anger and joy, pain and happiness, despair and hope. Everything had flowed into one, and showed her not only that she was still alive but that she also had a lot to give.
Maria and Joseph would have found a place in her house. Life would have been back in the house, especially with the newborn. It was decades ago that Lilith was allowed to take care of a newborn for the last time. She felt the longing to be there for someone as long as she’d been used to it for decades, but there was no one else. But she did not want to stop. You always have two options. Either put your hands in the lap and wait for what happens. But then nothing will happen. Or you go out and find what you are looking for. Lilith had never put her hands in her lap and waited.
She stood at the front door, gazing back at her former home, which had long been a refuge, home, and shelter. But now they were nothing but walls around empty spaces. Of course furniture was in it, but there was no more life in it. In such a house one could only wait to die. And that was not Lilith, but quite the opposite. Once again she wanted to open up and start again. What time could have been better than the Advent season? Time of arrival – the expectation of an arrival. She too would arrive wherever. The new one, somewhere outside, and of which she had no idea, was waiting to be discovered by her.
A last looking glance was directed at the interior of the house. Lilith was anxious to leave everything in order. When she had convinced herself that it really was, she gently closed the door to her house and her life so far. She also carefully closed the garden gate. Then she stood on the sidewalk. Where should she turn to?
“Right,” her inner voice said, and she followed it, so she turned to the right. She let her legs wander wherever they wanted. At first it was still quite fast, but the farther she approached the town center, the slower she forged ahead. The shopping storm before Christmas had already begun, and so she was increasingly often forced to pause to give the way free for the ones who hurried past. Humans between brightly lit shop windows. All hurried. Everyone pushed. All? Suddenly she stopped. In the midst of this hubbub, and yet seemingly far away, stood a young couple, who simply kept tightly entwined. They were jostled repeatedly because they were in the way, but they did not seem to notice it. Nothing could lead them to confusion. Togetherness, which did so well. A hug, which gave a halt, in which however always a little despair lived.
“Hold me so I will not be lost in monotony!”, this embrace should say, even if the words were never pronounced. Lilith knew it all too well.
A kick into her side. A short, piercing pain that drew the attention and look away from the couple and to a small shop. She had not noticed it at first, as it was empty, as opposed to the surrounding area. Only the glass shelves in the displays, which were drawn on two sides, had remained. In the middle of the room stood a table with four chairs, sparsely illuminated by a reading lamp. Then nothing. Magically she was attracted by the shop. Previously sweets had been sold here as she remembered well, but now it was empty. As empty as her life, which she intended to fill again. So she and the empty shop belonged together. They both had their own story, which they carried within themselves, but were not more than a past.
“To sell,” stood at the door, and a telephone number. A few hours later Lilith was the proud owner of an empty shop, which apparently no one wanted to have except for her. It had been waiting for her. That very evening she went into the apartment, which was behind the shop. Kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom – she did not need any more, and there was a sign above the door: “What do you really need?”. She let the reading lamp burn, even as she went to sleep.